update....

Well....we never really know what life has in store for us, now do we?

A year ago I was preparing to leave Seattle and travel to LA where I was going to be in charge of a department. New responsibilities, new people, new city. All very exciting and stressful.

Well, once I got there, I hit the ground running at 100 miles an hour. I gained experience, friends, and love. I lost weight, time, sleep and myself.

So I found a way out. Part of me thinks I made a lot of something small and jumped off a bridge when I should have just stepped off the curb instead.

So, I left what I knew. I left what was hard (but easy at the same time) for something completely new. I left a job, a salary, a status, a lifestyle and drove away.

Now that I'm here and have been for some time, I am wondering if it was right.

I am not an impulsive person. I am a "show me the facts" person. Except for in this case. I took no facts and made a decision. One that I am not so sure about these days.

As an adult you have to make decisions and sacrifices in daily life. I don't think I was quite prepared for either of those things or their consequences when I drove East.

So now I'm here. With stress and struggle again. Something I thought I was leaving behind in lala land. There are good days, yes. But it is difficult sometimes to remember them and the feelings that were associated with them.

Now I feel distrust, defeat, and denial.

I will make it. I always do. I just need to draw a new map. And the first thing I need to put on this map is me. And I can't keep letting people erase me.