First Day Jitters

I start my first "real job" at 9 am. tomorrow.

It has been an interesting road that I've traveled since May. And I am no where I thought I'd be by this time. I thought I'd be in an office job, wearing a suit, moving up the corporate ladder. I'd have my own phone, desk, e-mail address, and I'd plan happy hour outings for co-workers' birthdays.

But life took a turn. I couldn't land the corporate job, no matter how hard I tried, how many asses I kissed, and how many "contacts" I called upon. So I stuck it out in the restaurant world. Took management courses, and dealt with head hunters.

Before I knew it, I had two job offers, and for the first time in at least six months, I felt wanted (by someone other than family or friends).

So tomorrow, I begin my management career with Panera Bread. The journey both begins and stops when I walk in those doors. It begins, because I have my whole career ahead of me, options, opportunities, and experiences that I can't even imagine right now. It ends because my old expectations of what I thought I would be doing are over.

It doesn't mean I won't ever end up in an office with the phone, desk, and e-mail, but for now, it's not the path I'm taking.

Which in itself, has been a struggle for me. This path is not what anyone expected me to take, including myself. But just because it's not what I had planned doesn't mean it's wrong.

Starting a job is a strange thing. It feels almost like the first day of school. I'm nervous, have a headache, and a stomach ache. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I wonder if they'll like me. What if I'm not even good enough for this job? What if I mess up?

I think it would be easier if I were starting an office job. There would only be one or two people watching me the first day. Here, there are a ton of people watching, it's called the public. And they don't like mistakes.

I know I can handle it, but the fear is still there. I think it will always be there in the back of my mind. Did I make the right decision? That is especially an issue when I'm continuously bombarded with other options and opportunities.

If my brother has taught me nothing else, it's that I am in control of which job I choose. So if something better comes along, I can grab it up.

It is an awesome moment, a contact high almost, when the offer is made, however. Just knowing that someone wants you, thinks you are the best one for the job.

For now, it's bread for me, and some dough in the bank (couldn't resist...)