To settle...or not to settle...

So this is what it feels like to settle...

I knew a long time ago that if I felt like I was settling in a relationship, I would simply end the relationship. Cutting all ties would in the end, be more beneficial to me than keeping them around for relationship sake.

Well, I think I did that house cleaning around Christmastime...whether or not I knew it at the time.

Now, I feel the same cleaning bug coming on with my work.

I "chose" Panera, and food service as a whole, because it was the Road more Traveled By...the easy way out. I'm good at it. It's like taking a 100 level class my whole life. No really new challenges. Nothing to really challenge me.

Well, three weeks into that, and I'm spent.

I feel every day as if I have to pry myself out of bed (not because I'm tired, although I am...) and drag myself to work. As I approach Independence, late of course, I get this sense of dread in my body.

I hate this place.

Normally, I would try and make the best of any situation, but this one is too much for me.

This is what drove me to do some internal searching as to what I should really be doing with my life. The kinds of questions I asked myself about four years ago...but must have lost the answer key to.

Number one realization: I need and desire a sense of purpose larger than myself.

Wow...now it seems so clear!

I need to feel needed when I go to work, and not just because I want to keep my job. I want to know that each day when I go to work, I am making a difference.

This was the first huge step in my NEW career search.

Back to square one, when I started college, and classes, and internships. I wanted to not only help people, but leave the place I was better than I found it. (Thanks Girl Scouts!!)

So, that is my new quest.

I know that by using the talents I've been given...wiritng, communications, people skills, etc., I can make a difference in the world, or at least my immediate world.

That is my new goal.

Find the job that will help me feel more connected with the world I live in, and that I have made some sort of difference in it.

What a liberal attitude from such a conservative...I know.