Two days till 24...

The "everything happens for a reason" theory is intriguing yet perplexing at times.

I was meant to come to Seattle, for a reason yet to be determined...maybe.

I have greatly increased my level of independence--by necessity--as well as confidence, possibly due to the first.

However, it's difficult not to feel alone while being independent.

I have never questioned who I'd be with on my birthday. Sure there have been some invites that weren't counted on, but I have always known there would be a "core" group there to celebrate.

Those who've never missed it.

Now--while experiencing my independence, I find myself faced with the possibility of being alone on my birthday. An experience I've never had-and haven't ever wanted.

I find myself trying to force relationships. Seeking out a guy at the bar.

I know this would do no good in my life, for my future, or even for Thursday, but it's a knee jerk reaction for "how to find a guy in two days."

It's clear that I will be alone Thursday. No matter who shows, loneliness will be the first to arrive and the last to leave.

The most unwelcome guest of all.

While I'll try hard not to focus on her-or entertain her-she'll be there.

In the empty cab ride home, the silent phone. She'll be a faithful uninvited guest.

Yet for a reason.